Pet Grief: When Saying Goodbye Hurts So Much

If you’re reading this because you’ve recently lost a dog, I just want to say this first — I’m really sorry. There’s no easy way to soften that loss, and sometimes it helps simply to know that someone understands how heavy it can feel.

For anyone who has ever loved a dog, saying goodbye is the hardest part of that love. Pet grief is something every dog owner will experience, yet it’s often something we quietly carry, unsure how to talk about it or whether we even should.

Losing a dog isn’t just losing a pet. It’s losing a presence in your everyday life — the routines, the little habits, the quiet moments that only you and your dog shared.

Why it hurts the way it does

Dogs have a way of weaving themselves into our lives without us even noticing. They’re there in the background of ordinary days, and beside us during the difficult ones. When they’re gone, the world can feel strangely louder and emptier all at once.

Many people tell me they’re surprised by how deep the grief feels, or that they think they should be “doing better” by now. If that sounds familiar, please know there’s no right pace and no correct way to grieve. The depth of the pain simply reflects the depth of the love.

Everyone grieves differently

Grief rarely moves in a straight line. Some days you may feel okay, and on others the smallest thing — a sound, a place, reaching for a lead — can catch you completely off guard.

You might feel sadness, guilt, tiredness, or a quiet ache that sits with you. All of this is normal. None of it means you’re weak, and none of it means you loved your dog too much.

Speaking from the heart

I’m not writing this as an expert — just as someone who understands. I’m still processing the loss of my own dog, Booty, and I know firsthand that grief doesn’t neatly resolve itself. Some days are gentler than others, and that’s okay.

What I do know is that the love never disappears. It stays with you, even when it hurts, and over time it becomes part of how you remember rather than something you’re trying to push away.

Anticipatory grief — when love and worry exist together

There’s another kind of grief that isn’t always spoken about, and that’s anticipatory grief. This can happen when you’re caring for a dog who is unwell, receiving palliative care, or going through intensive treatments such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy.

Your dog is still here, and you’re still loving them, caring for them, and showing up every single day — but alongside that love can sit constant worry, sadness, and fear of what’s to come. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting, and many owners feel guilty for struggling while their dog is still with them.

Please know this kind of grief is real. Wanting to be strong for your dog while quietly breaking inside doesn’t mean you’re failing them — it means you care deeply. The responsibility you carry comes from love, and the devotion shown in those moments matters more than words can ever express.

Be kind to yourself

If you’re grieving — whether your dog has passed or you’re living with the uncertainty of what lies ahead — please don’t put pressure on yourself to cope in a certain way. There’s no timeline, no expectation, and no comparison that matters. Whether you’re focused on treatment schedules, making memories, or simply getting through the day, all of it is enough.

It can also help to talk to people who understand the bond between dogs and their owners. Sometimes being heard is the biggest comfort of all.

Love doesn’t end at goodbye

The pain of losing a dog exists because of the joy and connection that came before it. That love shaped your life, and it doesn’t disappear just because your dog is no longer physically here.

If you’re missing a dog today, please know you’re not alone. Your grief is valid, your bond was real, and your dog will always be part of your story.

At Wagtails of the Wolds, we’re honoured to care for dogs and their owners through every stage of life — and we never forget the ones who leave us. They’re always remembered, with warmth and love.

And for those caring for a dog who is unwell right now — showing up day after day with patience, devotion and love — please know that what you are doing matters deeply. Your care, your presence, and your love are being felt, even in the quiet moments.

Because loving a dog — whether in health, illness, or goodbye — is one of the most meaningful relationships we will ever hold.

With warmth, Louisa & Hannah